Friday, May 26, 2006

Can you hear me now?

It has been four days since my husband left to "commune" with nature with his brothers in Idaho and I'm really starting to miss him. At first when he leaves on any trip, I just hunker down and focus on what needs to get done with the kids while he is gone. I don't have much of a chance to think about missing him since I need to worry more about the kids and their needs. I purposely distract myself with the day to day routine so that I won't miss him. But tonight, in the quiet of my kids are sleeping in their I look across the den at the chair he is usually in... I am forced to face the fact that he is not here with me and won't be here for another week or so. (sigh) The T.V. is on for background noise and is keeping me company; but does not match his presence. Most evenings after the kids have gone to bed, Chris and I sit in the den together. We each get out our laptops and work. It's our time together. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. Either way, we are with each other and I've taken it for granted that it is a comfort to me. So tonight, I have to face the inevitable realization that I really hate it when he's gone. Really hate it.

When you are out in the mountains of Idaho, there are no cell towers, which means no cell phone service and no land line service either. Chris's younger brother brought a satellite phone with him for emergencies and for the brothers to use to check in with their families. Chris warned me that these kinds of phones are not very reliable and that it's hard to get a good connection. He called tonight to check in on us. The connection was so bad, that we could only talk for about 30 seconds. He called a second and third time and we quickly continued our conversation where we left off, knowing that at any moment we would lose the connection. After he lost me for a third time he called back and said, "Before I lose you again, I want to you know that I love you and miss you...all of you." Not 10 seconds later, he was gone again. But that was all I needed to hear; nothing else needed to be said; nothing was more important to me than those words. My husband of 13 years KNOWS the importance of those words and he makes sure that he tells me. It keeps me going until he comes back home and sits across from me in the den....

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