For all those church music directors

Alternate lyrics to "I am the Bread of Life"

I am a church musician,
I've worked her for twenty-five years
I get five dollars a Mass
for my wife and seventeen kids,
my mother-in-law and her cats.

Refrain: And I will starve to death (3x) for the glo-ry of God

I am a church musician
I've got three Ph.D's
I own a concert grand,
But I have no job description,
So they call me a pastoral musician. Refrain.

I am a church musician
I know all the organ stops.
With my feet I am a magician
So they call me a pastoral musician
They call me a pastoral musician. Refrain.

I am a church musician
I play for wakes and funerals.
I know ev'ry mortician
So they call me a pastoral musician
They call me a pastoral musician. Refrain.

I've been a church guitarist
through Jesuits, Haas and Haugen.
I know ev'ry chord progression
So they call me a pastoral musician
They call me a pastoral musician. Refrain.

I am a church musician
Playing weddings on ev'ry weekend.
Work with brides on one condition
That they PAY for their pastoral musician
They PAY for their pastoral musician.
(brassy, with gestures! Bring out your inner Ethel Merman!)
There's no business like show business,
like no business I know!

We are the congregation
We've prayed here for fifty years
Survived through each transition
Led by our pastoral musicians
Thank God for our pastoral musicians!

And I will raise my voice (3x) to the glo-ry of God!