A funny start to your morning sent by a friend:
Regardless of Make, Model, Year, or Tithe Amount, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units named "Adam" and "Eve", resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically called "Serious Internal Non-morality," more commonly known as "SIN." Symptoms of the SIN defect include, but are not limited to: Lack of peace and joy, Loss of direction, Foul vocal emissions, Depression, Selfishness, Ingratitude, Fearfulness, Jealousy, Rebellion.
The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service FREE of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Master Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. The toll free number to call for immediate repair in all areas is 1-800-SACRAMENTS.
Once connected, please upload burden of SIN through REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download FORGIVENESS from Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, into the SOUL component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect, Jesus will replace it, at no extra charge, with: Love, Peace, Joy, Goodness, Kindness, Faithfulness.
Please see the Operating Manual, "BIBLE" (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on using these fixes and enhancing overall performance. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all human units a direct monitoring and assistance hotline, called PRAYER, from the oncall Help Desk, THE HOLY SPIRIT, available 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.
Continuing to operate a human unit without these corrections voids the Manufacturer's Warranty and exposes the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and may ultimately result in the self destruction of the human unit.
Thank you for your immediate attention. Please assist the Manufacturer by notifying other human units of this most important recall notice.